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For reunited military families, a 'new normal'

Posted: Friday, August 31, 2007 5:47 PM by Daily Nightly Editor
Filed Under:

by Mark Hudspeth, NBC producer

It seems like such a long time ago when I first spoke with Sara Peer. It was January, and I was researching a story about military families. Her husband Scott was serving a tour in Iraq with the a unit of the Minnesota National Guard whose tour had just been extended. The next day I had an email waiting for me from one of her friends whose husband was serving in Iraq with Scott. Sara had gone to the hospital to set up a webcam so that Lori's husband could see the birth of his third daughter. "Please do the story on her and her children," she wrote, "She so deserves it! She is a true unsung hero of this deployment!"

I finally met Sara this summer. Our story wasn't about the makeshift military networks that support one another during deployment, but I could see why Lori had so passionately lobbied for her friend. Sara really was holding it all together, and she'd been doing it for almost two years.

Scott finally did make it home in late July. When he left, his three-year-old daughter Vanessa couldn't get enough of Dora. Now she's five...and all about Princesses. His son Bryce was barely walking. Now, he's a struggle to keep up with. Two years is a long time to be away from your family.

Earlier this week I spoke with Dr. Melissa Polusny, who councils military families in Minnesota, about how it can be hard for many families to readjust to the "new normal" once the initial excitement of the homecoming wears off. Despite that, she pointed out, that these families are strong. They've been through a lot, and are surprisingly resilient.

I think that's a perfect way to describe the Peers -- surprisingly resilient.  

Click here to watch the report as it aired on 'NBC Nightly News.'
 

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Hello -

I just saw your report on the nightly news program, and I appreciate the attempt at informing the public about the difficulties families face when soldiers return from deployment.  But I must say that your choice of words in a particular segment leaves much to be desired.  Unless I heard wrong, mention was made of a transition from a military family to a "normal" family.  (Your synopsis above says "new normal", but I'm pretty sure the "new" was not in the broadcast.)  I think I know the intent of the statement, but with the stress that these folks are under, they certainly don't need to be portrayed as something other than normal!  Please excuse me if I'm over-reacting, but as an Episcopal priest serving a military community (Clarksville, Tenn. - Ft. Campbell), and having a son who's just completing basic training in the Army, I've become pretty sensitive to, and protective of, the men and women who serve us.  

R.H. Richaud (Sent Friday, August 31, 2007 7:11 PM)

During the presentation of this subject on the evening news the presenter said, “…Now they have to turn their military marriage into a real marriage.”  Admittedly, this is taken out of context.  I spent 20 years in the military 18 of which I was married.  We just recently celebrated our 45th anniversary.  Are you telling me, and all of the veterans like me, that our marriages are not real because we were in the military?  I have retired military friends that have been married as long and some even longer one in excess of 50 years.

What about our married soldiers on active duty are their marriages real?  

Your network owes the married men and women past, present, and future, of the US Military an apology for implying that there marriages are not real.  

Roger H. Anderson
Major (Ret) Infantry
US Army

Roger H. Anderson, Fayetteville, GA (Sent Friday, August 31, 2007 7:45 PM)

As a proud military wife I felt denigrated by the comment by Janet Shamlian "They can now go from a MILITARY marriage to a real marriage" Is she saying that all of us active duty wives from the Air Force, Marines, Navy, Army amd Coast Guard, Do not have real Marriages! I am frankly insulted for all of our brave active duty that have long deployments! I am proud of what my husband has done for 29 years, my son for eight and my daughter for seven years. I am sure all the rest of my Military sisters are as upset as myself by the lack of understanding shown by this reporter.

Katrina Tirevold ,San Antonio, Texas (Sent Saturday, September 01, 2007 9:43 AM)

My husband leaves today for a 6 month tour.  I worry so much about what our "new normal" will be.  Our baby will be walking.  She will be talking.  She will be in prime stranger fear time.  And I fear he will be a stranger.  How will I adjust to the compromises that I won't have to make for the next 6 months because he will be gone?  How do any of us survive this intact?

Wendy G. Clearfield, UT (Sent Saturday, September 01, 2007 11:01 AM)

Janet,

You are absolutely right, there is a great need to address the issue of rebuilding military marriages. Their divorce rate is now 77%!

My name is Mark Baird. My wife and I have a non-profit, Patriotic Hearts. We help our troops and their families in a variety of ways. Now we are addressing the issue you addressed. We have begun "Military Marriage Enrichment Weekends." This is a program based on the successful Marriage Encounter program. At the end of October we are taking 20 married couples from Camp Pendleton Marine Base on a retreat to Warner Hot Springs. A couple from Texas, who literally wrote the book for Military Marriage Encounters, will be hosting our event. Some of the couples we invite will be from Camp Pendleton's "Wounded Warrior" hospital.

I serve as an advisor to my local Congressman, Rep. Brian Bilbray on military and Veteran issues. After we hold and document our weekend to help military marriages survive, Congressman Bilbray will try to seek financial aid for this program to be nationwide.

These men and women and their families in our military have sacrificed and suffered so much! Now for their families to also suffer divorce and the stress and pain that creates is asking too much. We citizens of the US must stand up for these fellow countrymen.

Patriotic hearts also supports www.HirePatriots.com. It is a free website for residents living near military bases to post one day and weekend jobs for their local troops, military spouses and Vets. Companies can also post career opportunities for transitioning troops, their spouses and veterans. And we hold job fairs for the military too.

Patriotic hearts also holds "deployment parties" for the troops and their families. And we hold blood drives for our wounded warriors.

Mark and Victoria Baird
www.HirePatriots.com
www.MilitaryTransitionNews.com
Patriotic Hearts

Mark Baird (Sent Saturday, September 01, 2007 11:23 AM)

In listening to your story on the problems soldiers have when returning from
Iraq, and as a retired Naval officer of 30 years, imagine my shock to have
my marriage of 41 years denigrated.

Despite what the liberal press believes, as a military officer I did indeed
have a REAL marriage.

Quoting from my, perhaps not the best, memory the reporter said something
like, "Coming home after a long deployment, Sgt Peer must now figure out
how to shift from a military marriage to a REAL (emphasis mine) marriage."

Normally I believe people that parse public statements too closely need to
get a life. But in this instance I feel the comment was way over the top and
highly insulting to our married service men and women.

I hope a public apology is forthcoming.

Ed Kline, Bellevue, WA (Sent Saturday, September 01, 2007 12:16 PM)

Although families might be separated by distance and deployment, I can recall the days my father was overseas during the end of the Vietnam conflict, although he was only away 13 months.  This is very difficult on families true, but one would hope that the government has learned SOMETHING in relation to helping these returning patriots and their families make the transition back to some normalcy in the family structure.  This could be obtained by providing more mental health assistance for those trying to return to their lives.  Things change while they are away, children are born, people die and these returning soldiers need some type of follow up care once home.  They are generally like a needle stuck on a record and what was once "normal," is anything but for them.  Let's follow through for once and help these families out and not just through lip service!

Renee A. Brillant, Orlando, Florida (Sent Sunday, September 02, 2007 1:59 PM)



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