it must have been so very hard for cissy houston to stand by and watch the many hard times that her daughter whitney went through. you cannot live someone else's life for them, however much it hurts to watch. i wrote the following at a very sad moment in my sister's life. i woke up at 3:00 in the morning to write this, the child she was carrying that they were going to have to induce the next day because of toxemia onset at 4 months must have been talking to his aunt martina. i was anti-abortion before that night. that baby was very much aware.

the bear hunter

he plunged into the snow again bracing his naked legs against the icy coldness. it was a long time ago and, thought had lived in a great palace, his sun had set and now, he had to catch the bear. she was a measure of his worth. it was not that he would catch her. it was that she would allow him to come near.

usually, she carried only the morning star. this time, she also carried the solar disk. for his world to live, for him to go on, for the new world would be different, he must capture her. not to kill her and to dismember her for food and clothing. no, this bear was the queen of his heart, and he must see her face at least once. her human face. he wanted more from her than the hunters who had gone before him.

maybe one day, she would choose to remain human. could she make that choice? or was she bound to carry the new suns forward for forever?

the smell of daffodils reached him from a far-away place. or maybe not so far. he smiles. somewhere, it was spring. he must be close. soon, there would be no more snow to hide her whiteness.

he was brown. he was not from this land. he had travelled far.

that night, there was no shelter to be found and the four winds came in to taunt him. so near, and yet so far away, they sing-songed. just who did you think you were? they aked.

'who did i think i WAS?' he repeated. and again, 'was?'

sure enough, when he looked, he found his body laying frozen in the snow. his eyes were still open and he could see Polaris reflected there. he had found the white bear, but not the one he hunted. he had found a cub, instead. no one had told him about a cub. he had not thought of the she bear a a mother.

in delight, the cub had dropped its anima and, for a brief moment, he saw its human face. it took his last breath. mesmerized, he looked into a face that was his own face as a child of six. peace came to him in that moment.

warmth filled him to know that the snow bear was his mother. he would always have a sun. he would always have light, the birds, the plants, the fishes and the animals, all of those things that he so loved, they would always be his. for what wuld a mother not do for her child? and grown, what would he not do for his own children?

for now, he looked at his body, frozen in the snow. he was now the white bear cub and he was sleepy. he lay into the warm curve of his mother's body to go to sleep.

in the morning, it was a young man who woke up in awe to a dawning day. to a new sun rising. the world spilled over with life. beside him, on the ground, lay a solar disk. it was made of shining gold. it was his only proof that he had not been dreaming.

anna martina sodari, february 8, 1999

our existence is a mystery. there are theologists that believe that man is meant to suffer on this earthly plain. who knows what we our actions are creating in the higher realms. whitney was a beautiful child and a beautiful young woman, in body and spirit. something closed her down, she must have been doing much good in the higher realms. maybe something did not want her to bear witness to a higher power because that show of faith and her story would have been too powerful. she will be waiting for her loved ones on the other side and may the Lord comfort her daughter and her mother and the rest of her family in their great loss. best, anna martina